referrals

I appreciate the conversational exchange this opens around referrals. Having built 7 businesses in 7 industries has given me perspective I don't know I could have gained out of following any one set of approaches. Here are the most, most valuable three tips I diligently practice now.

(and of course, you can't just practice these -- having an actual system you honor and the mindset of inclusiveness and appreciation can also never be replaced!)

1. BECOME the type of referral you SEEK. I am constantly intrigued by those who complain or lament regarding referrals they do not get - who have rarely, rarely even made ONE -- or at most a very few -- lifetime. Gandi cracked this code long ago: BECOME what it is you seek. Reciprocity RULES. It even supersedes all the lofty and often quite expensive of sales-training.

2. STOP practicing "sales" jargon. Who wants to ever be "closed???" How on earth has this lingo prevailed? If you are truly about relationship (which is the root from where sustainable referrals thrive, reside and die) are you not about:

is it not OPENING you really seek??? (vs closing) (duh!)

Just speaking with the whole lingo of "prospect," "closing" etc is very, very revealing about what's really primary and on your mind. Take a hint...people are not stupid and they don't appreciate being prospected. A lifetime, compounding value of the client relationship is what you really want. Why not set it up for that to most often become possible?

Another way you can self-check - once there is no possibility of "a sale" -- what happens in your commitment to staying in touch with those you've also formed real (or you think they are real, right?) relationships? If they go off your radar completely - you may also know why that person is no longer in your sales-zone of possibility.

Here comes Social Media -- word travels fast in this new, more transparent world of easy-pattern-detection.

(in fact, this week I've actually blocked 3 globally known and highly regarded FRIENDS who have constantly used Facebook for literally nothing but pitching "free" stuff with sales sandwiches tucked within the edges of all the bait. One was actually discontinued from Facebook in April, learned nothing, and now back here in May is doing the same thing - just at decreased frequency. That's when i blocked her friendship link also - who needs that kind of friend online? That does not mean i don't still like her - i just don't need to deal with deleting the clutter she's proliferating the space with any longer.

(if you need to know how to block pitch-folk - there is a little window within which to add their name at the bottom-right-hand corner of the Privacy section. Facebook obviously isn't making this easy to locate..being now in the sales and pitching biz themselves.

Whew! end of rant...i love business development -- and i really am aware when folk even unconsciously but consistently forget the relationship element i do believe being we're all ultimately connected - it reflects poorly on the whole arena of business cultivation and maintenance.

3. So...on a more positive note: Almost everyone i've ever know who does not get referrals - who truly IS capable, talented AND appreciative - has simply failed to understand how/who referral NATURALLY works well FOR and with...and it's pretty obvious.

Referrals work best for:
1. that 5% you cannot KEEP from delighting in telling you about everything great they just discovered -- trip destinations, where to shop for xxx, books to read, people to meet, organizations to consider joining, the greatest new movie, the concert by xxx. THOSE are the people who are inherently WIRED to share...and they truly love doing it and do not consider it a cost - but an opportunity.

Now...regretfully, statistically because you have to realize they are also putting their OWN credibility and reputation as being an informed referrer on the line each time - -a small, small percentage love to take that risk. So...we would maybe be wise to let up out of the theoretical headlock of blame ALL those others who are simply not pre-disposed to refer.

There is ONE exception -- probably another 5-10% who genuinely appreciate you and what you provide WOULD be periodic (vs automatic or extremely thoughtful) referrers -- IF, and only IF -- you educate them specifically in how to best do that, make it incredibly EASY for them to do so (give them links, materials, cards - whatever) so they can do it gracefully, tastefully, willingly -- when it is convenient to THEM.

Yesterday, I finally personally MET a woman I've cross paths with at least 10 times in the past year here in Austin. I had NO idea she was actually a PR specialist who GOES to major events with her clients. We struck up a natural conversation easily -- about someone i did not KNOW was her client there at that event - who i really, really admire and who i will also soon be working with myself. She did not know that. I did not know anything else about her -- and yet I recognized immediately due to HOW she implements her business, how well she cares for her clients so personally -- she and i will do business together.

I left the event with 3 more of her cards -- 2 go to former clients of my own - 1 to a collaborator. It will be a sheer pleasure to make these referrals as i know we ALL will win -- and she is a mutually giving referral also, both to me and will be to each of them if she has confidence in their deliverables.